Get comfortable with Self-Acceptance

“Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me.” — Audre Lorde

A loose definition of self-acceptance is the acceptance of yourself, just as you are - the parts your like and the parts you’re not especially crazy about - without conditions or exceptions. We’re talking about embracing yourself fully and totally, in this moment. That’s a tall order, right? It’s too easy to think:
As soon as I lose 20 lbs, I’ll accept myself;
As soon as I bench press as much weight as so-and-so, I’ll accept myself;
As soon as get a promotion, I’ll accept myself;
I’ll accept myself once I do this thing.

But guess what? You exist right now. You are whole and worthy and lovable right now. Your life is happening right now. Even when you make a mistake, or when you make 12 mistakes, you are still whole and worthy. I think of self-acceptance like playing cards with a group of friends and betting with Skittles, even though you hate yellow Skittles. When you win, you lean over the table and scoop up all of the Skittles, even the yellow ones that gross you out. For the next hand, you have a whole mess of Skittles to use in betting. All of those Skittles have value, even the yellow ones you don’t like.

So, how can we work toward self-acceptance? I recommend approaching self-acceptance as a practice and not a goal to reach. Incorporating this into your life isn’t meant to be another thing to check off of a To Do List. Be kind to yourself and be fair. Ideally, self-acceptance can be a kind of background project that enhances your well-being. In the beginning, you need to think about it to practice, but over time, it becomes easier to have it working in the background while it steadily improves the way you move through the world.

Self-acceptance requires you to know yourself. You gotta know which qualities of yourself you categorize as, “Qualities I like” and “Qualities I’m not crazy about.” [you may call them Strengths and Vulnerabilities; Strengths and Things That Need Work, etc., just be mindful of the language you choose and how that language may impact you] This part can be hard, but it’s important. This is where it becomes very important to be kind to yourself and to be fair. If you start looking at the list of qualities you aren’t crazy about, and you see, for example, “ineffective time management,” that might sting, but you have to remember self-acceptance isn’t about being perfect and it’s definitely not about ignoring the qualities we aren’t crazy about. The path to becoming better at time management begins with acknowledging that you’re not great at it right now, but that doesn’t diminish you as a person who is worthy.

Furthermore, fully accepting yourself doesn’t mean you stop growing and learning. A good practice of self-acceptance can offer us the strength and motivation we need to continue to grow and learn. Knowing and acknowledging that you aren’t great at time management and accepting this about yourself can help you show yourself more kindness. The simple act of being kind to yourself can motivate you to learn strategies to help you get and stay on track with deadlines. Instead of spending time and energy beating yourself up for struggling with time management, you can use that time to show yourself acceptance and learn new strategies that will help you manage your time better. Accepting the list of qualities you like is much, much easier.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers

What qualities do you have that you like? Which qualities are you not jazzed about? Take your time with these questions. It’s not an assignment that you turn in to someone else next week. This is an “assignment” you do for yourself, for your own improvement, over time. There’s no expectation that you have a full & complete list of Strengths and Things That Need Work by a certain date. If you’re struggling to identify your Strengths, think about what makes you feel energized or what things you’re doing when you know you’re doing your best. Keep in mind that we tend to use our strengths often, which may mean we’ve stopped seeing them as strengths. They become things we do, day-in and day-out, and we forget that they’re powerful.

Self-acceptance isn’t about believing you’re perfect but about acknowledging that you are not perfect but that you are still whole, worthy and lovable just the way you are. You have to throw away ideas about who you “should” be and focus on who you actually are, warts & all, as they say. Truly accepting yourself opens the door for more growth and learning so you can continue to improve.

Some ways to strengthen your self-acceptance:
+ remember that perfection is not realistic
+ understand that mistakes are inevitable for you & every other person
+ make a list of goals you have accomplished and challenges you overcame
+ do something nice for someone else
+ don’t compare yourself to others (You are here because the Universe needs you - the Universe doesn’t need a copy of someone else)
+ start keeping a daily gratitude list
+ forgive yourself for past mistakes

If you want to get a better grasp on self-acceptance, I can help with that! Click here to get in touch.